Tomorrow I turn 39.

30 didn't bother me at all. I was on the road with The Loft (in Chicago I believe) and didn't have much of a care in the world at that point. Things were rolling and it looked like the future was going to be amazing.

On the other hand, I'm dreading 40 like I never could've imagined. That's when there's no longer a question of being a "grown up". If you don't have your shit together by the time you're 40 you're no longer living like a young man, you're a fuck up. You're obligated to at least have some clue of what the hell is going on by the time you're 40.

I have no clue if I'm ready for that or not.

Instead of a New Year's Resolution, I'm committing myself to a 39th Year Resolution - several of them actually. By November 11th 2015 I will be in better shape (physically and financially), healthier, smarter and most of all happier than I was at any point in my 30's. I want to get in shape, read more, learn more, listen to more music, be a better father, fall in love and become the man I've spent so long being depressed that I'm not.

t's a tall task and one that's not going to be easy. However I owe it to myself and everyone who cares about me to do it. I don't want to turn 40 being this depressed, bitter man I've spent the last few years becoming. I want to live the life I've wanted instead of letting it pass me by.

Wish me luck.