Last night I jokingly told someone I was forcing myself to feel better and it was working. I lied.

It's not forced.

Just like Thanksgiving I'm looking forward to Christmas for the first time in as long as I can remember. I've bought a tree and am digging out 30 year old decorations that bring me right back to being a little kid. Which was not so coincidentally the last time I was truly a happy person. Memories of Santa anticipation and being part of a loving family make me so thankful this box managed to survive the flood 4 years ago. It's some of the only things I own older than 2010.

I've committed to doing this. To having a better life. The Nick of Christmas 2013 seems like a whole other person. A person who I know is still creeping around right behind me but is losing more ground every day.